This week is Crazy!!

So this week is going to be crazy!! I had a migraine yesterday so all I really did was sleep but I did get some wash done. Now the craziness begins....so much to do before the District. Me and Karson are working on Thursday so we have to pack everything up on Wed night. We will leave straight from work (one car of course). So I have two days to do everything!! I did get a few things done this weekend. My Friday off allowed me to go get a haircut and dye my hair and do some grocery shopping. We went to a BBQ/pool party for all involved in the drama on Sunday early evening then Jimmy, Kelly, Meagan (someone we met through them), Marcel and Veronica came over and Kareoked until around 10pm. We should get to our Hotel, The Hyatt, around 3pm just in time for check in. We want to get a room on the lobby floor and you get a better chance if you get there early. We will settle in our hotel and probably just relax maybe go swimming in the hotel pool. On Labor day we are going to Disneyland and so are Marcel and Veronica, Callie (Karson's cousin) and anyone else who wants to join us. We are coming home Sunday night then driving to Disneyland on Monday. Marcel and Veronica are staying at a hotel near Disneyland.....we just could not afford it this time. We will still have so much fun. Marcel and Veronica (Roni) are our best buds and they were our Disneyland buddies up until they decided not to get passes. We have not been to Disneyland with them for over a year...maybe even close to two years. It is going to be fun.
Speaking of our best buds-Marcel is going to have major surgery on September 5th at the L.A. Sunset Kaiser. We will definitly be there to support Roni and the whole family. Please keep them in your prayers since surgery is always risky. Speaking from experience I think Kaiser will do a great job! We will most likely be in the L.A. area Sept 5th weekend. Good thing we have family we can stay with!!!! They were both there at the hospital as soon as they found out about my surgery and it really made me feel good to have such great friends around. Really you find out who means the most to you when something like that happens. Who was it for me? Of course Karson's family, my family-mom and dad, jay came as soon as they could while I was in surgery, when they were informed Roni came as soon as she could and Marcel came as soon as he could. More of Karson's family, Stephanie, and Jimmy and Kelly came to visit me in the hospital as well. I realized those were my close friends and family and I really appreciated their presence. It really makes a difference when you have people who really care about you around during such a time. That is why me and Karson want to be there for Marcel and Roni. They will have family there as well.

Well I guess that is all for now...we probably won't write again until after the District and Disneyland. Oh and we finally get to learn the sex of T&G's baby this weekend too!!! This weekend is going to be great. See you all there! ..........Dez

Odd Dream

I don’t usually dream, or I don’t usually remember my dreams. So what troubles me most about last night’s dream is that I remember it, I remember a lot of it. I mean it, I never dream. I dreamt that I was in a plastic house. Everything was plastic. This does not make sense to me either but that is how it was. It was a single story house and had many many rooms. The rooms where spacious and had a lot in them, sort of cluttered/complicated, like Sherlock's rooms, but still all is plastic. Now there was a small group of us there, and now that I think about it I don’t remember why we were there. Now there was a man that owned the house and he was there but not with us, he was somewhere else in the house. And he had a daughter but she also was not with us, she was in another room, dead. She had been murdered, and somehow I knew that. And somehow I also knew that it was her father who had done it. So I left the group and was searching all the rooms. And that is how my dream was spent, me going from room to room looking for a dead girl. Another weird thing is that I knew that when I found her, her father would know that I found her and kill me in a horrible painful way…

I woke up before I found her, but with a strange feeling. Strange dream though, huh?

After thought: I am no expert but I assume that the house and everything in it was plastic because I was aware that it was all fake. In fact that is what I think about through out the day, every time I hear a voice that should not be or see a movement or shadow when I am alone, I keep telling myself that it is not real, its just my damaged brain manifesting something onto my senses. As for the need and urgency to find the dead girl. That alludes me. My view on the dead is that they are conscious of nothing, so why would I need to hurry and find her. I could have just told everyone. I guess that would not make for a good mystery. Or it feeds my need to be the hero. But I knew he would kill me. I don't need any interpretations I just wanted to share.

END OF LINE_

The +21 Brothers Brew Festival Getaway

I really did appreciate that I was invited to participate in this +21 Caringella Brothers Brew Festival, And was also able to invite my brother Kris and so just making it: “The +21 Brother Brew Festival Getaway” Of course this name was not official, it is just something I came up with.

For us in La county & Riverside county it started on Friday. Jason, Tobiah, and Christopher came over to my house that evening and brought a variety of beers for us to try. One of them was depicting a picture of an old truck, as if we were drinking the oil from it. The other beers I do not remember, but that they were stout. I personally did not like stout beer. Jason went to bed early, and Tobi, Chris, and I stayed up till 12:00. I had stayed up alittle later because I had a project for work to do.

On Saturday I got up at 5:30 and started on my project again. Now the guys had mentioned that they were thinking of getting up at 6:00 and so I figured I would work until they got up. But none of them got up. None of them had set their phone alarms. Well I guess I could have woken them up but when I get drafting I just get into it. But I finished at 6:50 and then started making noise and it woke Chris and Tobi. They were alittle sore for me not waking them, but we got on our way around 8. We got to the Stone’s 12th anniversary Festival two hours early. So we ate at Denny’s. We still had time so we went to the Fry’s, because I wanted to check it out since I got to see the blueprints and development pictures a long time ago. It was really cool. The theme was Atlantis, and it really did look like it, complete with fish tanks. I would put the pictures of that but the managers said that we couldn’t even take pictures because all the sculptures and art was copyrighted or something like that, etc. Then the Festival. It was fun, hot, but fun. We each got 10 beer tasters. I liked the mead but only until Kris said it tasted like mouthwash, then that was all I could taste. I think though we all agreed that the best one was the Verhaeghe Duchesse de Bourgogne. But I have never seen it before anywhere. After the Festival We went to the Port brewery, I didn’t do anything there since I was the driver for the trip, but the boys said that the lady there was a real witch to them and they wanted to leave right away. So next we went to the Stone Brewery. This was a cool place. We missed the 6 tour so we had to wait for the 7 tour. So we ate at their restaurant. The beercheese soup was good. And then took a walk in the garden they have there. After that it was time for our tour. The tour lasted for 45min. I liked it, And Kris did, since I have never done this kind of tour before, but I don’t think the others did. After the tour, they gave us four free beers, but only Tobi and Kris had them… Well Kris only had two; I think they were to stout for him. We ended up filling three Growlers, and getting a fourth one almost full for free. The plan was to go back the hotel and swim in the pool and open a Growler, but when we got to the Hotel, the pool was full of kids and we were very tired so we just ordered pizza and went to sleep.

On Sunday we went to Coronado Island to go to the Coronado Brewing Company, and their restaurant. My brother Kris did was not with us this day. All of the Caringella boys kept saying, “This is how a brewery is supposed to treat you.” And “We are never going back to Port Brewery.” It was very nice and the service was excellent. We all had a beer and I’ll admit it is the earliest I have ever had a beer. I even had two so that I could get a Souvenir glass. Then we went to all the shops and walked around for a few hours. Long enough for the beer to pass through the system.J After that we started for Mo. Val. With a quick stop by Kris’ to exchange some items, and so he could give all the Caringella’s a parting gift. When we got to my house we opened one Growler and drank it. We made plans to maybe see a movie, or bar-b-q, or just get food and open more Growlers… But somehow they all just ended up leaving. :’( O-well, you can’t have everything. All in all it was an awesome weekend. One of those that did not pass by too quickly. I am glad I was included and Kris said the same thing. I hope that I get included next year.

END OF LINE_

Pain pain and more pain?

Yesterday was a really bad day for my pain. I did not take my pain pills Sat or Sunday. Yesterday I was in so much pain I had to go home from work early. I slept until 7:30pm then got up ate something watched some T.V and went to bed by 9pm. Today was my Physical Therapist appt. I was in so much pain when she massaged me. She was puzzled since last week the pain seemed to be better. It felt almost as bad as it did the first time I went to see her. She kept saying I was a mystery. She asked me to go back to my OBGYN to make sure I don't have anything going on inside me to cause the pain. I told her all my Doctors called me a mystery. All I could think is that without pills I would be in this pain every single day. Does this mean I will be on painkillers the rest of my life? Its not like scar tissue can just go away on its own. My PT did solve my pelvic muscle problem so I guess I should be grateful for that. She is sure it is scar tissue in my fascia (thin layer that covers my muscles) on my abdomen. Scar tissue can pull on your nerves, organs, and etc. Basically scar tissue sucks!!! The funny thing is my doctor said she has seen patients who have had multiple surgeries with WORSE problems that GOT BETTER after she treated them. URGH!!! My troubles continue....the pain continues.....
All my Doctors ever did was keep passing me to someone else and now my PT is doing the same thing!!! It is frustrating not to have a solution for the on-going pain. I just have to be thankful for the good days where my pain is at a 3 on the 1-10 scale of pain (10 bieng the worst) They might send me to the Chronic pain clinic now since it has been 8 MONTHS since my surgery. After 6 months it is called a "chronic" problem. All my posts are negative!! So sad! :( Dez

Last year we went to Disneyland and Las Vegas with Toby and Grase. We have had no trips this year yet :( Didn't we have fun!

I know some of you want to see all my poems and that is great but I don't think I can ever show all of my poems. I use poetry to express my feelings even the bad ones.....anger, hate, etc. I do like to read the ones I wrote for Karson because it makes me feel the feelings I had when I wrote them. This week I did so good on Weight Watchers and I gained 1.3 lbs. I am so frustrated!! Maybe I drank too much water? Oh well I guess that is the way it goes. I am still going to keep trying maybe this week I will lose alot. This weekend is the "Beer Weekend" for my brothers (except Quint) and Karson. They are going to San Diego for a festival at a Brewery. Hopefully my parents and Quinton are still coming to stay with me because I hate being alone especially at night. My recent physical therapist appt went well. I was not in so much pain when she was massaging me this time. She did work more on my problem area located on my abdomen on top of my left hip bone. That still is so tender and it has to be the scar tissue because my pelvic muscles are doing good now. She gave me a new excercise to do that hopefully will help. I have only 4 more sessions to go. She says if the pain is not gone by then it probably won't go away. :( I hope it does go away. I am such a party pooper these days. I am out by 9pm if not sooner. Some nights I can stay up longer (like last night) but it still makes it hard to get up. I did get up today and was on time! Well not much else going on so I will write later....Dez

Thank Goodness for Friends and Family!

The Narrow road

The darkness is all around me
It surrounds my entire life
I can’t see in front of me
I hold something in my hand
It gives off just enough light
Enough light to get me through the days

I see my feet walking slowly
I see what is in front of me
The light gets brighter, I see a little more
I become more confident in the darkness
A little light goes a long way
I keep walking straight without falling

Suddenly someone is standing in front of me
The light helps me see him
Everyday I see him a little more, day-by-day
Suddenly I realize he is blocking my road
Then one day he is no longer there
He is gone; I am alone in the darkness

Walking the light gets a little brighter
I can see a little more around me
Suddenly I realized he never left me
He is standing right next to me, supporting me
He slowly reaches for my hand in the darkness
As he grabs it the light becomes so bright it blinds me

Our two lights become one in the darkness
Together we walk following the road
Our light keeps us alive and well
The darkness no longer bothers us
We have the light and we have each other
The world is dark but our lives are bright

By Desirae-Written in 2001

Although this poem was written for Karson I can't help but realize that me and Karson sometimes are in the dark together and it is our dear friends and family that help us through on our journey together. Our friends and our family are so important to our everyday lives. Sometimes we don't tell you....but you are. You are our light in the darkness.

Weekend

This weekend I really did relax. Friday I went to the Dr to find out why I was having wierd fluttering in my ears. Turns out it is TMJ. So he gave me more meds that make me drowsy so basically I am out of it all the time. We had a really good talk on Sunday about making Jehovah your Stronghold. It really made me think about things. I am so tired I don't even want to write anymore. I hope Connie and Grase were able to secure a hall for the baby shower in Dec. I think they went on Sat to check some out. I guess that is all for now....D

Untitled poem- Written 2001

Heartless people fill this earth
I watch them pass me by
In a sea of thoughtless humans
It’s very hard to keep dry

Trying to be different
Trying to have a heart
I want to help others
I want to have a part

Yet the sea overcomes me
And pulls me down
It’s so hard to stay afloat
It’s hard not to drown

I wish I could fly
Above the heartless sea
But life is the same
For him, you and me

We all have to fight
Through the turbulent waves
The waves of hate and fear
The waves we face for so many days


I know I can survive I guess we all can
In this sea with blank faces
I guess we are all just imperfect humans

Bad Day

Today is a bad day. I am not feeling good because I had my Physical Therapy yesterday and because I had to get to work early to make up some time I took off. I am also feeling depressed for some reason. I hate money. Why does it make us stress so much? I am tired and grumpy and my boss is really bugging me today. I just feel like yelling at everyone today and I keep thinking of more and more things that are bugging me with everyone. I just want to say my feelings and feel better...but I can't and I won't because they are hurtful and selfish. I usually write things out and then I feel better. I keep a notebook to write all my feelings down so I can just get them off my chest and feel better. This helps alot!!! I noticed in my family we all express our feelings through art. Some are muscians, some are poets, some are painters, and some are all of these. In every instance it seems like expressing ourselves comes much easier if we have this outlet. I know for me my journals and my poetry really help me with my emotions, especially with the negative emotions. Even if I want to talk about something important I feel much easier doing it in writing. It is much easier to write than to say something. If i talk too much all the emotions just bubble out and I end up sobbing and bieng even worse than when I started. I have had my share of confrontations and I am not afraid to handle these situations ...but it takes so much energy to have to do it in person. I would rather write. I have over 150 poems I have written since High School. I would have more but some of my earlier writtings have been lost. I have always kept a journal and I always write as if I am writing to someone else. This makes me feel better. My poems express my true feelings and i feel bad that i never expressed them verbally. I don't know if anyone really cares that I write poetry or if anyone would like to read any of them. I will include some in my posts for a little glimpse.
End of line..........D

Weekend's Over! :(

The weekend is over! This weekend we were suppose to just relax but of course that never happens!! Friday night I got to relax a little. Saturday I cleaned and Karson attacked the huge tumble weeds in the backyard. He even did the side of the house and probably more because when he came back in he was soaking with sweat so I know he worked hard. Our stupid vacuum was not working and we had the hardest time unclogging it. Finally we just used the hose to flush out a huge ball of cat hair and other yucky stuff that all started just because of a clothes tag!! Gross! Sat afternoon we went to eat lunch at the Spaghetti Factory, which was nice, just the two of us. Then we decided to check out the Riverside Museum that is located in Downtown Riverside (near the Spaghetti Factory). It was free so why not? It was interesting. They had a Quilt and a Peanuts(charlie brown) exhibit. They also had a bunch of stuffed animals and bugs and skeletons. It was really neat. We saw a cactus skeleton! We then headed over to the huge Antique store in downtown Riverside. We were there awhile but just looked because nothing caught our eye (that we could afford). We then headed home. We made plans to watch the new Stargate movie with Keri so we had to pick up the movie. Kelly Thornton called and asked Karson to come by the Milligans new house (her mom and dad) to help set up their computer. We went by there. They live in the area we use to live in when we were in the apartments on the golf course. They moved into a Senior Community so it is very quiet and nice! I want to live in a community like that when I retire!! We went to watch the movie with Keri and Jim. The movie was GREAT of course. Keri made some awesome spaghetti! It had pancetta (spelling?) which is an Italian ham almost like bacon. It was low in fat....and good! On Sunday we went to meeting and then to lunch with Jimmy and Kelly at Chili's. We then went to their house and learned to play peanuckel (spelling?) It was fun.

It was a busy weekend even though we were trying to relax. All our weekends are practically full until the District. The picture above is when we went on our cruise. We had a huge drink in Catalina. Until next time....Dez

The weekend is here! I am so happy! This has been a hard week. I wish I had every Friday off. Maybe I will if our Dept goes for the 4/10 schedule. Then I would have to work 10 hours a day...urgh. Well in less than one month we have our District Convention. We are staying at the Hyatt right by the convention center which is always nice. Yet we have to get up early to get the seats we like...and this year we will be really busy. The good news is we are planning to go to Disneyland on Labor Day. We have gone three years in a row and it has not been busy. We went on Memorial Day (our last trip) and it was busy. The summer is no fun out here in Moreno Valley. I am glad we have good air conditioning.

Yesss, finally we get to go to Disneyland again. As for the 4/10 thing that the county is thinking of going to... I don't see how a person, lets say a mother, can start work at 7am or 8am and then get off at 6pm or 7pm. County employees take an hour lunch, and then the drive home. I do not believe that any family person would be able to do this schedule. Maybe a single person. She is right, Summer is hot in Moreno Valley, but at least it cools off in the breezy afternoons. Good air conditioning can get expensive.

Grase just passed her 4 month mark in her pregnancy. I guess the next time we see her she will have a bigger tummy!! We find out the sex of the baby in about a month. That is exciting. This weekend we don't have anything planned so finally we can relax!! :) PS...Kung Fu Panda rules!

P.P.S. Not that anyone cares but that is my desktop picture at work.