Last year we went to Disneyland and Las Vegas with Toby and Grase. We have had no trips this year yet :( Didn't we have fun!

I know some of you want to see all my poems and that is great but I don't think I can ever show all of my poems. I use poetry to express my feelings even the bad ones.....anger, hate, etc. I do like to read the ones I wrote for Karson because it makes me feel the feelings I had when I wrote them. This week I did so good on Weight Watchers and I gained 1.3 lbs. I am so frustrated!! Maybe I drank too much water? Oh well I guess that is the way it goes. I am still going to keep trying maybe this week I will lose alot. This weekend is the "Beer Weekend" for my brothers (except Quint) and Karson. They are going to San Diego for a festival at a Brewery. Hopefully my parents and Quinton are still coming to stay with me because I hate being alone especially at night. My recent physical therapist appt went well. I was not in so much pain when she was massaging me this time. She did work more on my problem area located on my abdomen on top of my left hip bone. That still is so tender and it has to be the scar tissue because my pelvic muscles are doing good now. She gave me a new excercise to do that hopefully will help. I have only 4 more sessions to go. She says if the pain is not gone by then it probably won't go away. :( I hope it does go away. I am such a party pooper these days. I am out by 9pm if not sooner. Some nights I can stay up longer (like last night) but it still makes it hard to get up. I did get up today and was on time! Well not much else going on so I will write later....Dez

Thank Goodness for Friends and Family!

The Narrow road

The darkness is all around me
It surrounds my entire life
I can’t see in front of me
I hold something in my hand
It gives off just enough light
Enough light to get me through the days

I see my feet walking slowly
I see what is in front of me
The light gets brighter, I see a little more
I become more confident in the darkness
A little light goes a long way
I keep walking straight without falling

Suddenly someone is standing in front of me
The light helps me see him
Everyday I see him a little more, day-by-day
Suddenly I realize he is blocking my road
Then one day he is no longer there
He is gone; I am alone in the darkness

Walking the light gets a little brighter
I can see a little more around me
Suddenly I realized he never left me
He is standing right next to me, supporting me
He slowly reaches for my hand in the darkness
As he grabs it the light becomes so bright it blinds me

Our two lights become one in the darkness
Together we walk following the road
Our light keeps us alive and well
The darkness no longer bothers us
We have the light and we have each other
The world is dark but our lives are bright

By Desirae-Written in 2001

Although this poem was written for Karson I can't help but realize that me and Karson sometimes are in the dark together and it is our dear friends and family that help us through on our journey together. Our friends and our family are so important to our everyday lives. Sometimes we don't tell you....but you are. You are our light in the darkness.

Weekend

This weekend I really did relax. Friday I went to the Dr to find out why I was having wierd fluttering in my ears. Turns out it is TMJ. So he gave me more meds that make me drowsy so basically I am out of it all the time. We had a really good talk on Sunday about making Jehovah your Stronghold. It really made me think about things. I am so tired I don't even want to write anymore. I hope Connie and Grase were able to secure a hall for the baby shower in Dec. I think they went on Sat to check some out. I guess that is all for now....D

Untitled poem- Written 2001

Heartless people fill this earth
I watch them pass me by
In a sea of thoughtless humans
It’s very hard to keep dry

Trying to be different
Trying to have a heart
I want to help others
I want to have a part

Yet the sea overcomes me
And pulls me down
It’s so hard to stay afloat
It’s hard not to drown

I wish I could fly
Above the heartless sea
But life is the same
For him, you and me

We all have to fight
Through the turbulent waves
The waves of hate and fear
The waves we face for so many days


I know I can survive I guess we all can
In this sea with blank faces
I guess we are all just imperfect humans

Bad Day

Today is a bad day. I am not feeling good because I had my Physical Therapy yesterday and because I had to get to work early to make up some time I took off. I am also feeling depressed for some reason. I hate money. Why does it make us stress so much? I am tired and grumpy and my boss is really bugging me today. I just feel like yelling at everyone today and I keep thinking of more and more things that are bugging me with everyone. I just want to say my feelings and feel better...but I can't and I won't because they are hurtful and selfish. I usually write things out and then I feel better. I keep a notebook to write all my feelings down so I can just get them off my chest and feel better. This helps alot!!! I noticed in my family we all express our feelings through art. Some are muscians, some are poets, some are painters, and some are all of these. In every instance it seems like expressing ourselves comes much easier if we have this outlet. I know for me my journals and my poetry really help me with my emotions, especially with the negative emotions. Even if I want to talk about something important I feel much easier doing it in writing. It is much easier to write than to say something. If i talk too much all the emotions just bubble out and I end up sobbing and bieng even worse than when I started. I have had my share of confrontations and I am not afraid to handle these situations ...but it takes so much energy to have to do it in person. I would rather write. I have over 150 poems I have written since High School. I would have more but some of my earlier writtings have been lost. I have always kept a journal and I always write as if I am writing to someone else. This makes me feel better. My poems express my true feelings and i feel bad that i never expressed them verbally. I don't know if anyone really cares that I write poetry or if anyone would like to read any of them. I will include some in my posts for a little glimpse.
End of line..........D

Weekend's Over! :(

The weekend is over! This weekend we were suppose to just relax but of course that never happens!! Friday night I got to relax a little. Saturday I cleaned and Karson attacked the huge tumble weeds in the backyard. He even did the side of the house and probably more because when he came back in he was soaking with sweat so I know he worked hard. Our stupid vacuum was not working and we had the hardest time unclogging it. Finally we just used the hose to flush out a huge ball of cat hair and other yucky stuff that all started just because of a clothes tag!! Gross! Sat afternoon we went to eat lunch at the Spaghetti Factory, which was nice, just the two of us. Then we decided to check out the Riverside Museum that is located in Downtown Riverside (near the Spaghetti Factory). It was free so why not? It was interesting. They had a Quilt and a Peanuts(charlie brown) exhibit. They also had a bunch of stuffed animals and bugs and skeletons. It was really neat. We saw a cactus skeleton! We then headed over to the huge Antique store in downtown Riverside. We were there awhile but just looked because nothing caught our eye (that we could afford). We then headed home. We made plans to watch the new Stargate movie with Keri so we had to pick up the movie. Kelly Thornton called and asked Karson to come by the Milligans new house (her mom and dad) to help set up their computer. We went by there. They live in the area we use to live in when we were in the apartments on the golf course. They moved into a Senior Community so it is very quiet and nice! I want to live in a community like that when I retire!! We went to watch the movie with Keri and Jim. The movie was GREAT of course. Keri made some awesome spaghetti! It had pancetta (spelling?) which is an Italian ham almost like bacon. It was low in fat....and good! On Sunday we went to meeting and then to lunch with Jimmy and Kelly at Chili's. We then went to their house and learned to play peanuckel (spelling?) It was fun.

It was a busy weekend even though we were trying to relax. All our weekends are practically full until the District. The picture above is when we went on our cruise. We had a huge drink in Catalina. Until next time....Dez

The weekend is here! I am so happy! This has been a hard week. I wish I had every Friday off. Maybe I will if our Dept goes for the 4/10 schedule. Then I would have to work 10 hours a day...urgh. Well in less than one month we have our District Convention. We are staying at the Hyatt right by the convention center which is always nice. Yet we have to get up early to get the seats we like...and this year we will be really busy. The good news is we are planning to go to Disneyland on Labor Day. We have gone three years in a row and it has not been busy. We went on Memorial Day (our last trip) and it was busy. The summer is no fun out here in Moreno Valley. I am glad we have good air conditioning.

Yesss, finally we get to go to Disneyland again. As for the 4/10 thing that the county is thinking of going to... I don't see how a person, lets say a mother, can start work at 7am or 8am and then get off at 6pm or 7pm. County employees take an hour lunch, and then the drive home. I do not believe that any family person would be able to do this schedule. Maybe a single person. She is right, Summer is hot in Moreno Valley, but at least it cools off in the breezy afternoons. Good air conditioning can get expensive.

Grase just passed her 4 month mark in her pregnancy. I guess the next time we see her she will have a bigger tummy!! We find out the sex of the baby in about a month. That is exciting. This weekend we don't have anything planned so finally we can relax!! :) PS...Kung Fu Panda rules!

P.P.S. Not that anyone cares but that is my desktop picture at work.